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 August 2005 Back to Table of Contents Back to Archives Main Page Section: Life & Leisure Sweet Solitude By Susan Hannen I put up with so much grief for wanting to be alone. Some people think I’m weird. Others treat me like I have a disease. Why is spending time in silence with one’s own thoughts, or with a book, or simply gazing vacant-eyed at the sky considered to be some sort of deviant social behavior? It’s not as though I’m hurting anybody. Or am I? People seem to take it as a personal affront if you say you’d rather stay home than attend every social function occurring on any given night. I used to make up lies to get out of doing things. “Oh, gosh, I’d love to come, but I’m having surgery on Tuesday night at ten.” That seemed to keep the social hummingbirds mollified. Nobody wants to hear the truth: it is no fun whatsoever trying to make polite chitchat with people you hardly know; it is pure, hard labor. When I hit 50 I got real ornery about this whole mandatory social function thing. I decided that I would start being myself and stop trying to please other people by attending weddings, showers, graduation parties, and random “get-togethers” unless I genuinely cared enough to go. I do still love a good Irish wake though, and am more likely to show for those. All that’s required is some polite mumbling about how lifelike the corpse looks. Surely there are more like me out there. I believe that there are legions of us. I know it takes guts to stand up and publicly admit that you’d rather stay home than put some dumb outfit on and stand around making dreaded small talk. And wouldn’t you just know that most of us died-in-the-wool seekers of solitude always marry social gadflies. For some ungodly reason my husband thrives on endless “get-togethers.” He’ll go down, stand on the corner, and just wait to bump into somebody who’s just dying to chatter away about Iraq, or growing dahlias, or how authentic the language is in HBO’s Deadwood. God love him. I mean if you work all day, and talk to people all day, is it so bad to want a few blessedly quiet hours at night? I don’t have problems with getting together for a rousing game of poker, dominoes, or Trivial Pursuit. At least you’re having fun, and you don’t have to put on another outfit, and chances are you actually enjoy the people you’re playing with. Thank God I do play games or I’d be vilified by my family and friends, who all have serious doubts about my sanity anyway. So I urge all those who want to honor their aloneness within to come out, be proud, let your single beacon of light shine brightly. Don’t let the social butterflies intimidate you. We’ve shrunken in the shadows of shame for too long! Besides if more people would start turning down unwanted invitations I wouldn’t be out there by myself looking like such a nutcase. And now that I’m over 50 we all know it’s all about me. back to top back to table of contents Current Issue | About Forever Young | Where to Find | Advertise | Our Advertisers | Community Calendar | Contest | Clubs | Contact Us | Archives | Home |