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Back to Table of Contents Back to Archives Main Page Section: Being Well Family Pain By Toby Laping, Ph. D., C.S.W., Private Care Manager at Toby Laping Associates.
The will drawn up by my relative’s cousin is imprecise in several areas and it also is in conflict with some provisions of the prenuptial agreement that the deceased had with his second wife. The will leaves assets in varying amounts to the wife, but she has become very aggressive, pushing for ever greater shares of the estate. She has always had a good and loving relationship with the adult children, but those children recognize that the more the second wife succeeds with her efforts, the less they will inherit. Since we all know that money often underlies disputes, it’s no surprise that this once close and loving family is not so close and loving anymore. Because the second wife has hired a very argumentative attorney whose assignment is to find ways to get her more money, the children feel that they also need legal counsel. And, my relative feels he is being besieged by demands on all sides. He is working with the attorney who drew up the will, trying to fend off the demands of the opposing attorneys on behalf of their clients. The process has become expensive to the estate, emotionally painful and distinctly unpleasant. Probably some of this trauma was inevitable because there are significant resources and all of the beneficiaries can use some extra money. But, surely some of this unpleasantness could have been avoided. A good, up-to-date will that reflects exactly what you want to happen with your resources and belongings is terribly important. Have you reviewed your will recently? Does it say what you want it to say? Are you comfortable with its provisions? Talk with your attorney if you haven’t done so recently because it may be that changes in your will are indicated based on changed tax codes or other dynamics. If you have a prenuptial agreement, make sure it conforms to your will.That wasn’t the case with my relative’s cousin and so the anger and frustration was fed. You cannot afford to leave details unclear. As a social worker, I would also suggest talking with your children about your wishes, particularly if you aren’t treating them equitably so that no one is left hurt and angry upon your demise. Your goal is to be fair and to do what’s right, whether that means treating the children the same or differently — but you want them to know your decisions are based in love and not in anger. Your spouse should also understand your wishes for the same reason. www.wnycaremanager.com back to top back to table of contents Current Issue | About Forever Young | Where to Find | Advertise | Our Advertisers | Community Calendar | Contest | Clubs | Contact Us | Archives | Home |
